Perfection
by Brighteyes of Thunderclan
Summary: From the very moment she was born, every cat knew she was special. Perfect, in fact. "Palekit, you're perfect. You're beautiful! You'll have any tom you want; they'll all love you. You're kits will be perfect! They'll have to be perfect. You'll be the perfect queen, Palekit. Your life will be happy, your life will be perfect." It was all she ever knew. One kit changes that forever.


**You all know Whitekit's vicious mother, Paledove. But have you ever wondered why she is who she is? What made her this way? If only you knew...**

From the very moment she was born, every cat knew she was special. Perfect, in fact. That was all she ever heard. _"Palekit, you're perfect. You're beautiful! You'll be able to have any tom you want; they'll all love you. You're kits will be perfect! They'll have to be perfect. You'll be the perfect queen, Palekit. Your life will be happy, your life will be perfect."_ It was all she ever knew. She had no siblings to compete with, no denmates to compare to. Her mother, Fallensnow, paid all her attention to her lovely daughter. Her daughter with the pelt of the palest silver, as if Starclan themselves had colored it with shimmering moonbeams. Fallensnow was terribly proud of Palekit, and Palekit wanted to keep it that way. Forever.

Then, the first day she stepped outside the nursery, she saw him. His thick, sleek gray fur with the splash of white on his chest. The way his golden eyes seemed to shine like the sun. She fell for him instantly. All she knew was that they would be mates, their lives would be long and happy, and their kits would be perfect. It was what she believed, and she wouldn't accept anything else_. After all, she was perfect, wasn't she? _Everyone told her so.

Palekit swooned inside whenever he looked at her. She felt faint when they spoke to each other. But he was Stone_paw_ and she was Pale_kit_. There was no way they'd ever be able to spend time together before they were warriors. But that didn't bother her. She knew he would be hers.

Then, _she_ came along. Bluepaw. The prettiest apprentice in the den, the one it was obvious that Stonepaw preferred. Palekit had to watch them eat together, sleep together, train together, hunt together. And worst of all, _they enjoyed it_. It was plain as the muzzle on her face that they loved each other, and would be mates. Palekit couldn't stand watching them, yet she did. All she could do was wait and hope Stonepaw would realize he loved _her_, not Bluepaw. It was all she wanted. She would gladly trade her perfect future for a life with Stonepaw. Then, Palekit had denmates. Hollowkit, Waterkit, and Rosekit. Palekit had run to the nest instantly when they were born, wondering who they were and if there were any potential friends. Being the only kit was lonely. Fallensnow took her interest the wrong way.

"Don't worry, lovely. They don't even _compare_ to you." She had whispered. This made Palekit feel worse. _What was the good of being perfect if the one cat you want to spend your life with doesn't notice you?_

* * *

"Palekit, from now on, until you receive your warrior's name, your name shall be Palepaw. Your mentor is Lostwind. Lostwind, I know you have been getting older, but it is my hope that you'll pass down your vast knowledge of Clan life down to your fifth apprentice." Tigerstar had said. The Clan had cheered her name, but Palepaw had searched only for Stonepaw. He was too busy murmuring with Bluepaw to even notice the ceremony. _Why not me?_ Palepaw wondered. _Why is this the only part of my life I can't control? The part I want most?_

Two moons later, there were four new warriors. Stonetail, Blueshine, Sharpcloud, and Kestrelwind. How Palepaw wished it could be her, walking around with Stonetail, fur brushing softly, tails entwined, instead of Blueshine. _It hurts._

Stonetail sat outside the warrior's den. He wouldn't eat or sleep. He would only sit. Palekit watched Blueshine with Addershriek. They did everything together. It was so real, realer than Blueshine and Stonetail had ever been. Palepaw tried to comfort Stonetail, and soon, he came around. But it was clear she wasn't his first choice. She'd have to work all her life to finally secure her place in his heart. And it would be worth it. They would be perfect.

* * *

"Palepaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code for eternity, even at the cost of your life?" Tigerstar asked, his voice frail and shaking.

"I do." She meowed strongly. This was it. It was the final barrier between herself and Stonetail. Well, not the final barrier. She glanced over at the tom, whose eyes shone with happiness. But he kept glancing at the silver-blue she-cat, her belly swollen with unborn kittens, her head resting easily upon Addershriek's shoulder.

"Then from now on, your name shall be Paledove. Starclan honors your perseverance and courage. May they always light your path, and show you the way when your vision clouds." The elderly tom mewed the last sentence, and it sounded like a whisper of wind. What do you mean? Paledove wanted to wail at him. The dark tabby tom stepped towards her slowly, and leaned into her, muzzle next to her ear. "Heed my warning, young one. Your path will be a difficult one, if you let other's words lead your actions. May the Sun warm your back and the prey leap into your paws, my warrior." Then, he turned away. Clanmates rushed to his side to help him to his den. Though he had two lives left, he was ancient, older than most of the elders.

Paledove and Stonetail were happy, and for once, Paledove truly believed her life was perfect. Blueshine was away in the nursery, far from Stonetail. He often told her that she was the prettiest cat in the clans, the sweetest one he ever met. Yet he never used the word "Perfect" In ways, it was a relief.

Paledove was expecting kits. When she was told by Barktail, her heart skipped a beat, and everything any cat had ever told her came back, pounding in her ears. _"Palekit, you're perfect. You're beautiful! You'll be able to have any tom you want; they'll all love you. You're kits will be perfect! They'll have to be perfect. You'll be the perfect queen, Palekit. Your life will be happy, your life will be perfect."_ Her mother's last words joined them, searing her mind. _"Be brave, be strong. Life your life to the fullest, daughter. Know that I love you, and always will. Good-bye, my perfect one. _That…that word. It would always haunt her. She was perfect, perfect was what she **had** to be. It was expected. It was **demanded**. And now, they applied more than ever. _I will be the perfect queen. I will have perfect kits. I will have the perfect life._

"The night is so beautiful." Paledove murmured, leaning into the shoulder of her mate.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" Stonetail sighed. "Leafbare's skies are always so clear, the stars shining down with the smallest flakes of snow like fallen stars." Paledove purred and Stonetail pulled her closer. As they gazed up at the sky together, Paledove instinctively curled her light silver tail around her slightly swollen belly. Her mate noticed and chuckled. "Are you thinking about them again?"

"Of course." Paledove replied. "I always do." She bent down and touched her nose to her stomach. "Hear me, little ones? I love you, and always will. Forever and always." _And you will be perfect. My life will be perfect. Forever happy, that's what we will be. My perfect little family._

* * *

Paledove felt pain. It was intense, tearing her apart. "Rosedust…they're coming! Help me, please! Rosedust…" She moaned.

Shyfawn, Poppypaw and Rosedust entered the den. Paledove lay in her nest, straining and crying out for help. Three pairs of glowing eyes peeked at her from over the edge of the nest beside her's. A small dark orange kit mewed,

"Mother! What's wrong with Paledove? Why's she so upset?" The kitten asked anxiously.

"Paledove is kitting, love. It's very hard. How about you come out and ask Sharpcloud if he will play with you?" Rosedust smoothed her small children with soft-spoken words. "Come now."

"Alright. Come on, Graykit! Sharpcloud's the best moss ball player in all of Moonclan!" The orange kit mewed to her brother.

"Alright." A fluffy gray and black tom said, padding after his sister as she bounced out of the nursery.

"Wait for me!" Squeaked the last kit, a tiny dusty-brown she-cat. "Wait up!"

"We'll catch up to them together Mothkit." Rosedust purred. She cast a final look over her shoulder, only to catch a glimpse of Poppypaw, who ran a paw lightly over Paledove's flank while Shyfawn's black and amber shape sat huddled next to the kitting queen. Paledove moaned.

"It's alright, everything's going to be okay." Shyfawn said strongly. "Now Poppypaw, on the next contraction I want you to push right…. here! Now! Go!" Poppypaw quickly thrust down on the place her mentor had touched, and with a grunt of exertion from herself and a high pitched shriek from Paledove, a small kit slid out onto the moss. Poppypaw licked it fiercely, trying to warm it up. Paledove shuddered as the next contraction wracked her tired body, and Shyfawn shouted, "Push!" Another little life was brought into the world. Shyfawn and Poppypaw placed the little sisters next to the belly of their mother.

Upon entering, Stonetail purred loudly. _I wonder who they look like? _Paledove raised her head and glanced down at her belly. She saw a small kit, perfectly formed. Her fur was glossy, whit and silver. _I've done you proud, mother. You demanded perfection from me, here's your granddaughter. And she's lovely!_ Paledove looked at the second one, and almost gasped in shock. This kitten was plain. She was bigger, plumper, and duller than the first. She was not perfect. _I've failed! I've failed! _She wanted to wail. _Everyone expected perfect kittens. What will I do? I've worked so hard to get Stonetail…what if he doesn't love me because the kittens aren't perfect? What will I do? Everything was supposed to be perfect…oh, I've failed._

"What should we name them?" Paledove asked sleepily. "Well, Whitekit for the bigger one, obviously. But what about my darling little first born?"

"What about Swankit?" He suggested, licking the top of his little kitten's head. Paledove purred. _This kit must be extra special, to make up for the other one. _

"That's perfect! A prettier name for the clearly prettier she-cat. Oh, my precious love," Paledove cooed, "You are the perfect daughter." _And this will be my perfect family. The other one…what will I do? My life was supposed to be perfect, Starclan. I owe the clan that much. What will they think of me? __"Palekit, you're perfect. You're beautiful! You'll be able to have any tom you want; they'll all love you. You're kits will be perfect! __**They'll have to be perfect. **__You'll be the perfect queen, Palekit. Your life will be happy, your life will be perfect." _She thought miserably. _So much for that. _

_What will I do?_

_What will they say?_

_Will Stonetail still love me?_

_I was promised perfection. It was expected of me. Demanded of me. I was _obligated_ to be perfect. _

_I've failed Fallensnow._

_There's only one solution. _The silver she-cat looked down at her second-born, regret, anger, grief, and shame all swimming in her crystal blue gaze. _She can't be my daughter. I cannot love her. _


End file.
